first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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