how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
