If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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