But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize