The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
