I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
