She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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