That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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