my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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