Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
