There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
