This girl is more easily done than said...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My pussy is not your playground.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
