i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
