Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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