wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
