If i come over, it means nothing
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize