I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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