I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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