Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
