You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
