i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
not ubering you a puppy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
