I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
