obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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