Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
