I must be too annoying 4 u.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
