1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
