I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
