There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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