bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
