I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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