theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize