so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
