You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize