this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
