I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
