Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
