U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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