yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
