Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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