No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
