it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just pynch a tree in the face
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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