he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
