Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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