I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just want nice things and good sex
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
A bitchslap is in order.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
