We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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