We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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