Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
