Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
