she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
