just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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