i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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