I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Congratulations! We have a period
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