this beer tastes like vomit already
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
