All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
