So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
