so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
