i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
