I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
