dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
