Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
