Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Barsexuality is the new black.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
