I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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