Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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