Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize