I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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