I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
